When New Year started, I didn't feel any positivity as most people did. I didn't feel much change on myself and my surroundings. Everything was just as normal as last year. I think I didn't have a right start.
Then I thought of the possibilities that would somehow change the vibes I currently have. I told myself that I have to do something for things to come my way. I spent most of my time searching for part-time jobs online. I even tried applying to full-time jobs and told myself that I will sort the before and after-school clubs for my daughter after I get hired. I was also open to applying my daughter to childminders around to take good care of her after school and pick her up when my work's done (though these options are against my will). What I wanted then, or maybe until now is to just GET HIRED.
I received one call regarding my application as a hotel receptionist and though it was part-time he still wanted me to become flexible on the times of work. That alone made me decide not to go further with the interview as I really can't be much flexible. I can work full-time, but it must be fixed hours like the usual 9-5 jobs. Until now all my applications were not considered and this makes me feel so useless and worthless.
Then I tried focusing on oDesk for fully online jobs which was recommended by a dear friend/mommy/blogger named Mommy Iris of entrepremom.info. I improved my profile and took various tests to get myself ready. One buyer offered me a job and after getting through the interview, he said he wanted me for the position. I was so happy that for the first time I will have a job and this is something I would love to do. It's an admin job and I can work on the comforts of my home. But at this very moment we haven't started yet so the real score is, I'm not yet hired. I've applied to other jobs too, but haven't got my luck still.
I just feel so down and disappointed. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to think that corporate jobs may not really be for me, but I still don't have answer to my question, "WHY?". Then while waiting for my luck, I thought of considering the suggestion of my UK friends of doing a catering business for Pinoy auditors around since they do host parties often and pay so much for food. I tried researching about it and I already started making my business plan. Then another thing crossed my mind, "what if no one orders?", "what if they don't trust my cooking skills?", "what if I get negative feedbacks?" and so much more what ifs. And I know for myself that I am not good, not even close.
Others say I don't have to feel bad because I'm running a household and that I am taking good care of my daughter, but my daughter goes to school and I'm left alone at home doing nothing. House chores doesn't take the whole day to be done. While my husband and daughter's out, I do nothing. Is that how a good wife and mum should be?
Now, I don't know what am I for. Did I finish my studies and earned a degree for nothing? Why are opportunities seem so unreachable for me? I feel so bad that I'm not good at anything. All I want is to have a job that will still allow me to be a wife and a mother. I don't want this feeling anymore. Dear God, please make 2010 work for me. Please make this year MY YEAR.
6 comments:
Mommy AC-you don't need to feel useless or worthless, because you don't work. You cannot work, that's what it is, because you have to consider your family. You cannot be flexible because of your daughter, and your family is more important that any job in the world. There is no reason to feel useless. Well..go ahead and work full time, you would be useful, you would be flexible, you will make money,but, for what? so you won't see how your daughter grows up? so you won't be able to attend to their needs? Why do you think I am a jobless mother? I can work, why not..but, for what? so that my kids would not come to me when I get home because they don't know me? because I will be so exhausted, I won't want to deal with any of my family?
Come to think of it..you didn't graduate from college to be a house mommy..but..because you have a daughter to care for..at a young age, you have to sacrifice. When she gets older, then work your butt off.. just a thought..u don't have to listen to me, hehehe...
i feel the same.. i want to work like you though i have some part time jobs here.. pero alam mo ng makausap ko si MIL ko baka raw pag nakahanap na ako ng job hindi ko magustuhan .. well ang hirap kasi sa atin parang feeling worthless and useless talga tau lalo na nakatapos tau ng degree.. parang for what reason pala bakit tau gumugol ng 4 years sa college at magsunog ng kilay tuwing prelim, midterms at finals? huh? tapos pagdating natin sa ibang bansa hindi nman pala un natapos natin ang magiging work .. ano ba yan .. pero anyhow ienjoy mo na lang muna ang iyong pagigign mommy at wife. Im sure darating din ung luck na hinihintay mo. same as im waiting for my luck as well :) kaya chill! Good luck sa atin :)
Alam mo Ate Liz, I am so thankful that I created this blog and have found you. Masyadong maliwanag ang isip mo para sa aming lahat na nakilala mo. Kahit nga po hindi ako ganun ka active sa blogging world eh feeling ko super close ko na sayo. Kaya nga po with all your comments and views, I THANK YOU!!!
Alam mo po, ang nararamdaman ko naman is like rejection eh. Bakit po kaya kase parang wala akong abilities na pwedeng masabi sa mga employers na kaya ko. Madali naman po akong matuto eh, pero bakit parang walang gustong tumanggap sakin? Ang lagi kong tanong, "Bakit, kailangan tingnan yung experience, eh lahat naman nagsimula sa walang experience dba?"
Maswerte po ako kase I can afford not to work because hubby's earning more than enough. Pero po dba, iba yung pakiramdam na kahit papano eh naexperience kong kumita sa sarili kogn sikap? Hindi ko naman po gustong mag work ng full-time eh, napasok lang sa isip ko kase sabi ko baka time ang prob kaya di ako na ha-hire, but in all honesty, ayaw ko naman po talaga. Hanggat maari, gusto ko po sana eh yung andyan ako para maghatid at sumundo sa anak ko so ang hinahanap ko po is work na from 9:30-3:00 lang po sana which is school time ng baby ko. Nahihiya lang po kase ako sa mag-ama ko at sa sarili ko na wala naman akong ginagawa sa bahay. Kung siguro po may isa pa kameng anak na inaalagaan ko, di ko mafi-feel ang ganito.
Pero may good news ako.. Kahapon lang po pagkagising ko, biglang nakita ko sa email ko from oDesk, hired ako at may job assignment na ng walang interview-interview. So kahapon po, in 5 hours kumita ako ng $6.50.. haha!!! yun lang sa kapiranggot na yun eh tuwang tuwa na ako pati si Mark tuwa din..
Ate Liz, daig ko pa sumulat sayo, pero I just feel like I'm so close to you eh.. Parang pwede kong ikwento lahat. Online naman po ako almost everyday wholeday, ang kinakatamaran ko lang po eh mag sulat sa blog. haha!!! wala ata talaga akong fashion in writing so whole day akosa FB lang at sa mga walang ka kwenta kwentang browse ng kung anu-ano..
Love you Ate Liz!!! mwuah mwuah!!! Thanks for always being there!!!
Katuwa ka naman. I can udnerstand your situation naman. alam mo kung ano ang reason na feeling mo na rereject ka, it's not because wala kang experience, yun eh dahil may limitasyon ang time na pwede kang mag work. di mo ba alam na lahat ng full timers eh wish na mag work ng from 9-330? Lahat ng newly hired, mag start sa pangit na schedule, sa mga time slot na inaayawan ng lahat. When I started working sa retail, 530-915PM ang aking time, 3 times a week. When I got my first pay check, it was $65.00, naka laminate ang pay stub ko. I worked this schedule for over a year, kasi walang available na position para sa akin. Until, nag open up ang Juniors Department, full time, inoffer sa akin na I need to be fexible, work ng weekend, umaga, or gabi, holidasy and all ek ek.
Naiinip ka lang, kaya yan ang feeling mo, I guess, with your limited schedule, need mo lang ng work at home jobs, yung sarili mo ang oras mo. Sabi mo, you worked 5 hours and made $6.50? Wow! ang laki ng kita, ahahha..Excited ka ah, well,ganon talaga, kapag ikaw ang kumita, talagang you're proud of yourself.
Alam mo, di ko rin alam kung bakit ilan kayong nag oopen up sa akin ng personal things, confidential matters pa ang iba, and I am so thankful that you all trust me with your concerns. Ako kasi, I only say what I know is fair. And what I tell everybody is from my own life experiences. Ang 4 blogs ko eh about my personal life. Hindi ako magbibigay ng advice kahit kanino na ako mismo eh di ko gagawin. Saka, I listen, and if I ever say anything that sounds like an advice, it would still be up to you kung ano ang iyong desisyon. There are some people na gusto lang mag vent, and if that's what they want, I listen too. If they ask for my honest opinion, then I give it, and I would say, " you are the only one that can decide for youself, and you know what is best for you" Lahat naman tayo ay nagkakaroon ng maling desisyon, but we want to make sure, na bago tayong tuluyang madapa at di makabangon, eh magkaroon tayo ng chance na makatayo di ba? And sometimes, we need friends to talk to, yung ma feel natin na we're not alone.
Anytime you need to talk, I am here..kahit ano lang..I will listen, I might not be an expert in advice giving, but I will be your friend..I will offer my shoulders to cry on, kaso layo eh, hehehe! add mo ko sa YM rodlizbarnett@yahoo.com, if you feel like it.
@frizzy_rein: Ate Eds... Is that u??? hehe..
ako, feeling ko din naman hindi ako magtatagal sa work na papasukin ko if ever. pangbahay lang kase talaga ang beauty ko. pero dba? gusto ko rin maranasang magbihis naman ng matino-tino at magmukhang kagalang galang.. LOL.. siguro we finished college for a reason din naman.. ako iniisip ko nalang, siguro magkakaron ako ng magandang business.. so siguro eh dun ko magagamit.. haha!!! haayz... pangarap nga naman.. libre kase eh..
namiss kita ate eds.. sana eh sipagin na akong mag blog.. haay..
dont worry nakakarelate din ako sau .. kasi i feel the same as you. buti nga ikaw meron ka nang baby how much more un situation ko na wala pang baby? as in nakakabagot talaga. hehe kaya ang mga gawaing pati panlalake kinakarir ko na rin wag lang masayang ang aking maghapon. and like you nakakainggit yung kapag lumalabas ka eh nakikita mo un ibang mapa-pinoy or pinay at mga briton na nakabihis. ang siste kulang na tayo pakikipagsocialize sa outside world. para tayong PBB housemates. yun nga lang Forever hehe.. malabo taung maevict not unless magvoluntary exit. toink! ( wag nman sana!) Di bale, magkakabusiness ka rin. why not try Ebay business. buy and sell clothes baka pumatok?
see u again AC. san ka ba sa london at pag napunta kami jan eh mabisita kita? hehehe
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